The apocalypse must clearly be upon us. And it’s not just that oil slick out in the San Francisco Bay, either. In the news today is yet another reported “coffee connoisseur” obsession with coffee beans processed through the digestive enzymes of some mysterious Asian mammal: Monkey business yields gourmet Taiwan coffee | Lifestyle | Living | Reuters.

Once again the media is telling us that this latest bean mockery is all the rage among “coffee connoisseurs” (who are these people, and can I slap some sense into them?). This time its Formosan rock monkeys that eat the coffee cherries and spit out the seeds, reportedly creating a monkey spit coffee elixir. I’m sure Kenneth David’s will dignify it with a legitimate review. Yeah, right.

OK, maybe some Taiwanese resentfully want a piece of the ridiculous Indonesian kopi luwak action. But what I really wonder is if there’s an all-out war to discredit people who like coffee that doesn’t come in indiscriminate $3 cans of roasted sawdust — just like their parents used to drink. Is this a subversive war of words on perceived pretentiousness? I’m personally tempted to declare a state of emergency for this all-out media assault on the self-respect and good taste of discriminating coffee drinkers everywhere.

Representing the nation of Taiwan at the next WBC...

UPDATE: Nov. 24, 2007
According to today’s China Post, Taiwan didn’t stop with just monkey spit. Some entrepreneuring Taiwanese have decided that “fox dung coffee” makes a great ghetto kopi luwak for just one fifth of the price: Coffee-lovers unite for a cuppa at expo in Taipei – The China Post. Apparently Chinese knock-offs aren’t just limited to designer handbags, watches, and athletic gear.