Imagine a sort of twisted, parallel universe where CoffeeRatings.com was born of a chauffeured limousine driving about the city, shuttling me from café to café on an itemized list in search of SF’s finest espresso. Now imagine this endeavor sponsored by a leading purveyor of cheap plastic and metal, responsible for more kitchen appliances in our world’s landfills than any other company on the planet. Then imagine this happening in Toronto instead of here, and you’ve pretty much got today’s read: Krups Cup of Excellence – Suggested Itineraries – Martiniboys.com.

“Recruit a crew of coffee connoisseurs, supply them with a short list of cafés to visit within a day, and limo-chauffer them from café to café on a search for the city’s most quality-driven coffee house,” reads the plan. By this method, the article comes up with a few interesting suggestions for the “undiscovered” Toronto espresso. But given how I’ve held myself to no more than four espresso tastings in a day — to avoid taste bud fatigue, not to mention over-caffeination — do you think I could get Krups to spot me four months of personal limo service?

I could even rideshare with Willie Brown if need be. Hey, it’s gotta be faster than MUNI.