Will coffee marketing atrocities never cease? Of course not! Forget the transdermal patch, apparently the drug delivery mechanism of choice today is your good old cup of joe: WebWire | VitaBrew, enters fight against Osteoporosis and Diabetes type 2 with a Free Certified GNC and Eight O’ Clock Coffee Healthy Coffee recipe. I swear, I could not make this stuff up even if I tried.

Now I remember a time back in the late 1980s/early 1990s when I was in a joint UCSF/Berkeley bioengineering graduate program. Back then, all the scientific rage seemed to be around transdermal patches as a delivery mechanism for just about anything. It wasn’t just nicotine cravings and birth control — I worked alongside researchers who were like six-year-olds who just discovered you can put other things besides water in a water balloon. Vitamins, cold medicines, cheese pizza, you name it … it seemed that everybody was working on a grant to find a way to deliver it via a patch into your bloodstream, no matter how ridiculous the idea.

Today coffee seems to be taking the place of these patches, attracting some of the biggest quacks and snake oil salesmen in the business. Weight loss, gout prevention, and now add to that anemia, osteoporosis, hyperthyroidism, and “hair, nails & complexion.”

Upon visiting VitaBrew’s sick and wrong Web site, you’ll find this unholy brew sharing on-screen real estate with books on building your self esteem, “unleashing the full potential of your mind,” and “the power of concentration.” The site has got it all. (Though I must admit, I’m a little surprised there was no mention of the coming mothership from the planet Zoltar — to take us home when the earth next crosses the debris field of Comet Kohoutek.)

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to brew up a latte to cure my schizophrenia.

Because nothing quacks quite like Colombia's finest!