I’m not sure what’s worse: 7-Eleven’s coffee product marketers, or the coffee customers who patronize them. In any case, 7-Eleven recently introduced something called Fusion Energy Coffee: Fusion Energy Coffee will keep you up 7-Eleven | TheNewsTribune.com | Tacoma, WA.
In case you haven’t been keeping up on your ephemeral, forgettable product fads (remember Pepsi Clear? Coke with Lemon?), the product fad du jour is anything with the word “energy” in it — be it juice, water, gum, candy, beer … or coffee. Apparently, at least according to product marketers, the continuous flow of depressing news from Iraq and diminishing grounds for denial over global warming have made consumers a bit anxious about their supply of energy.
In the words of 7-Eleven’s wordsmiths, it’s “the only coffee infused with all-natural ingredients and powered by ginseng, guarana and yerba mate. … It’s the perfect way to totally seize the day!” Excuse me while I totally seize my air sickness bag. Or one better — time to break out the rubbing alcohol, Coleman’s fuel, hydrogen peroxide, and a few over-the-counter packages of Sudafed to make me some home-brewed meth coffee … the real deal.
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