Normally I detest the monotony of the rip-and-read medical research press release du jour that you see in the news every week. Depending on the week you tune in to this short-attention-span drivel, coffee will either give you heart attacks, improve your sex drive, prolong your life, make you impotent, or all of the above. No wonder why so many consumers are confused — no one is bothering to make sense of all this disconnected spot research (often sponsored by questionable corporate or political grant support).

But in today’s Atlanta Journal-Constitution, there’s a medical story on coffee worth mentioning: Upscale coffee drinks almost as caloric as Big Mac.

For all the garbage people put in their fancy coffee drinks (or, more like it: the small amount of coffee they put in their garbage), they frequently end up with a beverage that rivals the caloric intake of a McDonald’s Big Mac. Which is why I advise people to not even bother with the coffee, let alone quality coffee that costs a little more, if what they’re going for is a vanilla-caramel milkshake anyway.

Super Size me, Starbucks…